With this week’s entry to a shameful saga, we officially pass the halfway point of our two most embarrassment-averse editors’ journey to smash (or pass) on every Pokemon. Coming into Gen 5, Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock has a 15 smash lead over Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley, with his 152 to Stacey’s 137. However, last week also saw the first failure of this whole ordeal, as Joe fell one smash short of the 25 percent smash threshold.
However, the pair are undeterred by this slip, and head into Unova boldly. With 156 Pokemon, it’s a monumental mountain of potential smashmates, but they fight on bravely, unable to face the shame of failure again.
Related:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Hoenn Edition
494 Victini
Joe: It’s weird starting one of these with something other than a starter, but apparently Victini is the first Unova Pokemon? Either way, it’s a slightly sparklier Pikachu clone, so pass.
Stacey: Yeah, I’ve never liked that Victini comes first in the list, and I don’t really care for it in general. Pass.
495 Snivy
Stacey: Pass. No first stage starters.
Joe: Snivy has style, but it does not have smashability. Pass.
496 Servine
Joe: Weirdly reminds me of Tina Belcher, pass.
Stacey: It definitely has wholesome but awkward teenager energy. Also pass.
497 Serperior
Stacey: I’ve avoided the snakes so far, but here I make an exception for this glorious beast. Smash.
Joe: Oh, absolutely. This is Pokemon’s answer to Bridgerton, Smash, my lord.
498 Tepig
Joe: I love this line for reasons we’ll later get into, but for now it’s just a lil’ piggy, pass.
Stacey: I don’t think this line has high smashability, but I love Tepig in other ways. Still a pass.
499 Pignite
Stacey: Again, cute, but not a smash.
Joe: Short king. I love the tusks, the wrestling onesie, and the sheer energy of Pignite. Smash.
500 Emboar
Joe: BABY. SMASH. EASILY. It takes everything Pignite does and makes it better. This is a pig I could sink my claws into.
501 Oshawott
Stacey: Curiously cute, but not a smash. Pass.
Joe: I always forget Oshawott exists, and it somehow manages to be the most forgettable starter in two completely unrelated generations. Pass.
502 Dewott
Joe: I’d understand if anyone did want to smash, the half-peeled-off wetsuit thing it has going on is serving. But it’s a pass.
Stacey: I don’t like this line at all, but for Dewott I’d make a one-time exception to smash.
503 Samurott
Stacey: Come on. Maybe the worst fully evolved starter ever? No way in hell.
Joe: Shockingly, I agree with you. This is just too much, hard pass.
504 Patrat
Joe: The more I look at this, the angrier I feel. Pass.
Stacey: Unova is a decent gen but goddamn do the early ‘mons stink. Pass.
505 Watchog
Stacey: A weirder, grosser, taller pass.
Joe: The eyes ruin what could’ve been a decent, if bland, design. Pass.
506 Lillipup
Joe: Small spiky dog that’d be utterly bullied by the likes of Houndour and Growlithe. Pass.
Stacey: I like Lillipup (not so much the evolutions), but it’s clearly not smashable.
507 Herdier
Stacey: Like an old man in the park with a clay pipe. Obviously not.
Joe: Normally that wouldn’t be enough to put me off, but Herdier just doesn’t commit to its whole thing enough. Pass.
508 Stoutland
Joe: And then Stoutland commits too much. This is one of those weirdos who bangs on about ‘real ale’. Pass.
Stacey: An older man in the park with a clay pipe. Even more obviously not.
509 Purrloin
Stacey: Back in business, Purrloin gets a bad rap but I love the oddly flirtatious design. Clear smash.
Joe: This is a tremendously Stacey line, but I just don’t see it. Pass.
510 Liepard
Joe: Okay, I kind of see it here. Not enough to smash, but you do you.
Stacey: Liepard moves a little too far away from what makes Purrloin great, but not enough to leave Smash City. Two in a row.
511 Pansage
Stacey: No one likes these little monkeys and we have three of them. Pass.
Joe: God, why are there so many of them. Pass.
512 Simisage
Joe: Simisage gets a smash though. Powerful ‘50s rocker energy makes him the best of this entire horde of monkeys, thankyouverymuch.
Stacey: Gross, no. This is the worst of the evolved ones. Pass.
513 Pansear
Stacey: We’re back to the unevolved ones, and I’m already tired of these monkeys. Pass.
Joe: I like Pansear’s design best of the three little monkeys, but it’s still a very long way from a smash. Pass.
514 Simisear
Joe: I do love that they gave the literally flaming one of the three limp wrists. As a Gay myself, that’s true representation, but it’s also a true pass.
515 Panpour
Stacey: No, broccoli-headed freak. Pass.
Joe: We’re almost out of Monkeytown, let’s just put our heads down and keep passing.
516 Simipour
Joe: Utter nightmare, pass.
Stacey: This is the reward for the monkeys, I think this one is cute. A smash, after all that.
517 Munna
Stacey: Literally an embryo. Pass, and god help those who don’t.
Joe: Unova has a weird, more-than-zero number of ‘gestational’ Pokemon. Pass, and pass that entire concept because blergh.
518 Musharna
Joe: The addition of an umbilical cord weirdly doesn’t make this more smashable. Pass.
Stacey: It gets more like an embryo as it evolves, like a sick, pre-birth Benjamin Button. Pass.
519 Pidove
Stacey: There’s no dove here. It’s just a pigeon. Pass.
Joe: We’ve smashed weirder, but Unova has so much on offer the pigeon doesn’t get a look in this time. Pass.
520 Tranquill
Joe: Despite having the same, smug energy as Serperior, Tranquill feels more like Randall from Recess instead of regal. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, I would understand this one but it’s definitely not for me. Pass.
521 Unfezant
Stacey: This is more like it. I’m still not big on birds, but there’s a disaffected charm to Unfezant that I cannot ignore. Smash.
Joe: Smash for both forms, definitely. Male Unfezant has pizazz, female Unfezant would judge me and I’d thank her for it.
522 Blitzle
Joe: Hooves, gross, no. Pass.
Stacey: Ponyta all over again. It hasn’t reached its peak, but still a smash.
523 Zebstrika
Stacey: Baby, baby, absolutely. Zebras are already the best horse-things, and the sharp, rebellious design only adds to the appeal.
Joe: I think this is the first time you’ve passionately gone in on a Pokemon I can’t even slightly begin to understand. You go for your Zebra, I’m gonna hang back and not have my skull caved in by those hooves.
524 Roggenrola
Joe: Okay we can all see thehow, but there isn’t awhygood enough to smash Roggenrola. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, the obviously methodology doesn’t make it any more appealing. Pass.
Joe: It doesn’t even have the easy form factor. Pass.
526 Gigalith
Joe: Rule of Big is rearing its big, ugly head again. I want to smash the boulder, for some reason even I can’t fully understand.
Stacey: Very very cute but not smashable. Pass.
Joe: The single tooth makes this an honourary baby. Pass.
528 Swoobat
Joe: The neck ruffles make this a cautious smash, I want to just stick my face in there. Not exactly Gliscor though.
Stacey: I’ve been burned before by passing on 50/50s, but there’s just too much that’s slightly off-putting here. Pass.
529 Drilbur
Stacey: Too small and babyish. Pass.
Joe: I don’t get baby from Drilbur. Like Pignite, I get Short King instead. Smash, because I know he gets worse with age.
530 Excadrill
Joe: Me and Drilbur had our time, but we’ve drifted apart ever since he evolved. He’s too edgy these days, and he won’t listen to reason that his hair is awful. This is Mid-Life Crisis: The Pokemon, pass.
Stacey: No, I think Excadrill is a huge upgrade on Drilbur, so it’s a straightforward smash.
531 Audino
Stacey: Yes. Easy. I love her and I don’t care what anyone thinks. An all-time top five contender.
Joe: I was expecting a smash, but not that level of enthusiasm. It’s a pass for me, but I’m glad we’ve hit one of your favourites.
532 Timburr
Joe: I hate this line so, so much, and it starts with this little veiny asshole. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah without the veins this line would be ten times better. Pass on the knock-off Machamp.
533 Gurdurr
Stacey: This is the best of the bunch but that nose is awful. Pass again.
Joe: I think this one’s the worst of the bunch, the skin-hair, the veins, eurgh. Pass.
534 Conkeldurr
Joe: It makes me angry how promising Conkeldurr is. A cute, gruff, kindly New York construction worker? My oddly-specific fantasy? Sign me up… and then you see those veins and it all falls apart. Hard pass, and thanks for getting my hopes up.
Stacey: Nothing about this is appealing, I’m afraid. Pass. Unova’a not the best, is it?
535 Tympole
Stacey: These baby Pokemon are getting ridiculous. It’s a literal tadpole. Pass.
Joe: Polywag’s better, and that was still a pass.
536 Palpitoad
Joe: ‘What if we made Tympole, but a gross teenager instead?’ is not the way to make a smashable generation, Game Freak. Pass.
Stacey: Two babies in the same line. What is going on in Unova?
537 Seismitoad
Stacey: It’s a big frog covered in boils. Obviously a pass. Enter Joe…
Joe: I hate how well you know me. I’m smashing Seismitoad, this is a big, doopy stoner boy, and the boils have spread out to look more aesthetic than diseased.
538 Throh
Joe: We’re entering a little pocket of Unova known as the Joe-Smash-Zone. Throh is the hotter of the two for sure, but I love both of these fellas. Smash.
Stacey: I don’t see the huge appeal here (and also prefer Sawk), but they’re clearly smashable candidates in the land of embryos and pigeons. Smash.
539 Sawk
Stacey: As above, not great, but easily in the smash zone.
Joe: A less eager smash than Throh, but still one I’d swan-dive right into bed with. Thanks for dropping by the Joe-Smash-Zone, now let’s look at some plants.
540 Sewaddle
Joe: That’s a gross plant. Pass.
Stacey: I don’t think it’s gross, but it’s just a lil’ bug so will be passing.
541 Swadloon
Stacey: One of the better cocoon ‘mons, but without the celebrity status of Metapod. Pass again.
Joe: Plus points for looking so comfy, negative points for still being a small plant-cocoon-thing. Pass, but I want to be a Swadloon when I grow up.
542 Leavanny
Joe: It’s a lady who is also a plant, I think I can see where this is going. Pass for me, though.
Stacey: We do know each other well, don’t we? An easy smash for this pretty little thing.
543 Venipede
Stacey: Pass, too much of a strange critter.
Joe: These are some of my favourite Bug-types, but Venipede is just a lil’ dude. He doesn’t need to learn about smashing yet. Pass.
544 Whirlipede
Joe: Again, love Whirlipede, but I’m not qute sure how this would work, and I don’t think I want to try. Pass.
Stacey: I definitely see the appeal here, but it’s another pass all the same.
545 Scolipede
Stacey: The most likely of the bunch, but still too much of a critter.
Joe: This ‘critter’ is two metres tall and over 200 kilos. This is a big, centaur-bug thing, and I’d be lying to you and myself if I didn’t say I want to smash this big ol’ bug. The hottest Bug-type for sure.
546 Cottonee
Joe: Oh hey, Hoppip’s back and slightly fuzzy. Still a pass.
Stacey: I was into Hoppip and I’m into this one. Smash for sure.
547 Whimsicott
Stacey: Again, it’s a pretty Grass-type. Again, it’s a smash.
Joe: I was 50/50 on if you’d go for Whimsicott, it looks a bit goat-y to me. Pass, but I do like it.
548 Petilil
Joe: There’s a rumble in the distance. It’s slowly getting louder. I’m too distracted by what is about to unfold to smash Petilil. It’s also a baby, but… what is that noise?
Stacey: Yeah, even with my proclivity to Grass ladies, this is just a baby. Pass.
549 Lilligant
Stacey: There we go. An easy, glorious smash. Probably second only to Audino for the Gen. Babe.
Joe: I wasnotexpecting Audino to come over Lilligant, I was fully prepared for this to be the big, messy smash of the gen for you. I think Hisuian would be slightly more of a smash for me, but both are passes on account of me being me.
550 Basculin
Joe: Look, I failed the last gen by one measly smash. If I see a Pokemon with a strong jaw like Basculin, I need to put aside the fact it’s a fish and smash.
Stacey: I’m content with my ratio so far, this is a weird piranha. Definitely a pass.
Stacey: Cute, but also a baba. Not yet.
Joe: Unbelievably cute in the same way Venipede was. Pass.
552 Krokorok
Joe: And then suddenly Sandile gets hot, Krokorok has the mean energy I think Excadrill was going for, but makes it work. Smash.
Stacey: Yeah, there’s decidedly more shades of cool to the edginess here, and it’s a simple smash.
553 Krookodile
Stacey: Not as appealing as Krokorok for me, but still a smash without much thought.
Joe: Really? This line just gets better with age, Krookodile is an incredibly easy smash. It’s big, it’s mean-looking, it has cool sunglasses-eyes-things-that-I-shouldn’t-think-too-hard-about, and the shape of his snout is very suggestive. Smash smash smash.
554 Darumaka
Joe: It’s like someone turned Steven Universe into a Pokemon, pass.
Stacey: Yeah this thing is just small and annoying. Pass.
555 Darmanitan
Stacey: Far too much of an over-correction on how scrawny Darumaka is. Pass again.
Joe: Unvovan Darminitan specifically gets a smash, for sure. Galarian Darmanitan looks too lumpy and goofy to go for, but give me my big, fiery gorilla-ball.
556 Maractus
Joe: Apparently Maractus is one of the least popular Pokemon in the entire series? I don’t see why, I love the design. Not enough to smash, but enough to appreciate.
Stacey: Maractus is too similar too, and worse than, a lot of other living plants, which probably explains it. However, that’s easily enough for me to smash.
Joe: Yeah, no, crab. Pass.
558 Crustle
Joe: A nice visual representation of what I would like to do to Dwebble if I saw it in the wild: drop a big block on it. Pass, but good imagery.
Stacey: I don’t hate this line the way you seem to, but I also wouldn’t smash it - with a rock or otherwise.
559 Scraggy
Stacey: Sign me up for this cheeky chap though. The face isn’t quite there, but the attitude sells it.
Joe: Scraggy just annoys me, and it won’t get much better when it evolves. Hard pass.
560 Scrafty
Joe: Please, god, just get a belt. Pass.
Stacey: That’s a huge part of the appeal here. Even spikier than before, another smash.
561 Sigilyph
Stacey: I’m curious, but realistically I have no idea what this is. Pass.
Joe: I have a theory this was meant to be an evolution of Xatu until they decided to make Unova more sealed off from the other regions. That doesn’t have any impact on my decision to smash, I just wanted to get it out there. It’s still a smash though, just because it’s an ethereal psychic beast and why would you not?
562 Yamask
Joe: Actual, confirmed spirit of a dead human. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, there’s no way you can smash this one, is there?
563 Cofagrigus
Stacey: I suppose I see the camp appeal but it’s just a haunted coffin. Pass.
Joe: It’s a haunted coffin with four hands, don’t forget. Soul of the deceased by damned, I’m smashing.
564 Tirtouga
Joe: One of the stronger turtle Pokemon, but it’s a pass.
Stacey: It’s just too much of a turtle, there’s no flair here.
565 Carracosta
Stacey: There’s flair here, but it’s too bulky, so I’m passing.
Joe: I almost agree, it looks like it’s wearing a Kevlar jacket. I think it’s still a smash, but not quite as much as you may have expected.
566 Archen
Joe: We don’t smash the fossils, unless they’re especially hot. Archen is not. Pass.
Stacey: I hate its weird design, definitely a pass.
567 Archeops
Stacey: I’m calling it - this is the ugliest Pokemon in history. Pass all day, every day.
Joe: I don’t know aboutugliest. Pretty damn ugly, but I do like the colours. Pass for sure, regardless.
568 Trubbish
Joe: It’s Grimer with none of the appeal of Grimer. Pass.
Stacey: It’s literally trash. I don’t hate it, but I wouldn’t smash it.
569 Garbodor
Stacey: Zero appeal here. Pass again.
Joe: It’s specifically those tufts that ruin Garbodor. If it was just a big ball of trash, I could relate to it and maybe smash, but why does it have flesh-hair? Pass.
570 Zorua
Joe: Vulpix’s cooler, edgier cousin doesn’t get a smash, but I do admire it.
Stacey: This one does most things right but it’s also just a little too small to smash.
571 Zoroark
Stacey: Unf, yes. Smash for Zaddy.
Joe: Absolute smash, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
572 Minccino
Joe: Does Minccino count as a Pika-clone? It’s a pass, and I don’t know what the point of it is.
Stacey: Yeah I’d say it’s a Pika-clone, and that usually works for me, but this one is too much of a baby. Pass.
573 Cinccino
Stacey: There we go. This is more like it. Still not perfect, but back in the realms of smashability.
Joe: She’s giving me Marilyn Monroe. Not for me, but totally get it.
574 Gothita
Joe: Smoochum has some fierce competition for ‘worst baby design ever’, hard pass.
Stacey: I can’t even begin to get into how homosexual it is to say ‘this looks like famously the most beautiful person ever, not for me’. But yeah, pass this lil fat dork.
575 Gothorita
Stacey: I passed on Kirlia because it had the teenage middle stage issue, but here there’s the lipstick and the cold eyes that suggest a far older persona, so we’ll go for smash.
Joe: If my Marilyn Monroe comment and the fact I’ve smashed anything even remotely masculine-looking hasn’t given it away yet, I do indeed like men, and so will be passing on Gothorita.
576 Gothitelle
Joe: This whole line is a nightmare, but Gothitelle manages to push it just slightly too far. Gothorita was a closer smash, Gothitelle ruins it.
Stacey: While there’s a bit too much Klub Kid going on here, it’s still a pretty easy smash.
577 Solosis
Stacey: This sounds like a disease and kinda looks like one. Pass.
Joe: We’re back in the weird gestational patch of Unova, pass.
578 Duosion
Joe: It really bothers me that its head is slowly splitting apart as the line goes on, pass.
Stacey: I don’t get how this is a duo. Maybe because we’re both psssing.
579 Reuniclus
Stacey: This is annoying because I see the appeal in the basic, goo-filled design, but the creature in the middle is like a baby turtle. Pass.
Joe: This is as-evolved as Reuniclus is ever going to get… and the goo looks incredibly nice to just cuddle up to. And it has the arms for hugging. It’s a weird smash that I’d be embarrassed about if I had any sense of shame.
580 Ducklett
Joe: It’s a duck, come on. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah this Pokemon was definitely designed with five minutes left on the clock before the weekend.
581 Swanna
Stacey: I would understand this one, but my aversion to birds is too strong.
Joe: I have no aversion to birds, but I don’t like the overdesigned head ornamentation and the judging stance. Pass.
582 Vanillite
Joe: I’d eat it, but not like that, pass. Wait, did Stacey already make this joke?
Stacey: Pass, but only because it’s a baby.
583 Vanillish
Stacey: For curiosity alone, I think you’d have to. I have no idea how this thing is even alive, but it’s definitely worth a smash.
Joe: This line gets such a bad rep, but look at him, he looks so polite. It’s a smash for sure.
584 Vanilluxe
Joe: I like ice cream. There’s two ice creams. I would smash both of them.
Stacey: Same, I don’t think you could have one without the other.
585 Deerling
Stacey: Pretty, but way too young. Pass.
Joe: Reminds me of the girl from the old Sia videos. Sia’s awful, therefore pass.
586 Sawsbuck
Joe: Easy smash for this majestic king. No matter what season, he’s getting it.
Stacey: Yep, Deerling is worth the wait for this powerful smash.
587 Emolga
Stacey: Oh yeah, there are two Pikas this Gen. This is the ‘true’ one, but I’m still passing.
Joe: Third if you count Victini, Game Freak really just threw everything at the wall to see what stuck. Emolga’s the worst though, pass.
588 Karrablast
Joe: Oddly compelling, but after Scolipede any other bug just seems weak in comparison. Pass.
Stacey: I have never seen a less compelling Pokemon. Pass.
589 Escavalier
Stacey: Also pass, Unova is weird and it’s not even very good at it.
Joe: God, I came close, but it’s a pass. I don’t like the curly tail jutting out the front.
590 Foongus
Joe: Nope. There’s really nothing else to say, this is such a nothing Pokemon. Pass.
Joe: Something something pretty sussy, something something. Pass.
592 Frillish
Joe: Why settle when the king is sat right there? Pass.
Stacey: Back in business. This Prince/Princess is a handsome chap/knockout babe. Easy smash.
593 Jellicent
Stacey: Once they ascend the throne, they become a little more portly, but that only gives them more power to generate. Another smash.
Joe: I’m so glad we agree on smashing the royal jellyfish, Jellicent is such an incredibly easy smash.
594 Alomomola
Joe: Didn’t you smash Luvdisc? Either way, this is just Luvdisc that’s been through a lot, pass.
Stacey: I did, and I think this is more like yassified Luvdisc. I didn’t think fish were my thing, but I smash a lot for them, and this is no exception.
595 Joltik
Stacey: Gross baby bug. Ew.
Joe: The smallest Pokemon of all, I’d be more worried about crushing it to death than anything else. Pass.
596 Galvantula
Joe: I passed on Ariados back in Johto, but the addition of fuzziness and a slightly friendly disposition makes Galvantula my spider smash of choice.
Stacey: I suppose I see it, but it’s not my thing. Pass.
597 Ferroseed
Stacey: Pass ahead of a very dry, very metallic spell.
Joe: I don’t think you’d so much smash this as you would just use it. Pass, I’m not that brave.
598 Ferrothorn
Joe: Now that it has its own appendages and can get more involved, it’s a smash for Ferrothorn. He’d be doing the smashing, mind.
599 Klink
Stacey: Unova really phoned some of these in, right? Pass.
Joe: Yeah, it definitely went for sheer number over most of them being any good. Pass on the two gears.
601 Klinklang
Stacey: Still passing, get me out of here.
Joe: Which one is the face? That little one that looks utterly terrified to be attached to the rest? Pass, and good riddance.
602 Tynamo
Joe: We come through the valley of gears and suddenly have a small fish. God damn it, Unova, pass.
Stacey: Pass on the fish tampon.
603 Eelektrik
Stacey: I suppose this is the most appealing of the line, but by nowhere near enough. Pass.
Joe: Just because it’s clear to see how you’d smash it, doesn’t make it something worth smashing. Nobody likes Eelektrik, pass.
604 Eelektross
Joe: They did a survey a while ago of peoples’ favourite Pokemon, and Eelektross was one of only a few to have absolutely nobody say they liked it, along with Maractus. Pass on this forgettable, unlikeable monstrosity.
Stacey: I went for Maractus, so I’ve done my part. Pass here.
605 Elgyem
Stacey: Oh my god, f*** off Unova.
Joe: That is the first F-bomb in our entire run so far, congrats Elgyem. But yeah, f*** off.
606 Beheeyem
Joe: Almost. Very nearly. Maybe in the right light? But with that gross, bulbous head it has to be a pass.
607 Litwick
Stacey: A candle that’s also a child. Pass.
Joe: I’m kind of surprised you didn’t go for Litwick, she has that emo girl energy. Pass for me too, though.
608 Lampent
Joe: I like this line a lot, but not for smashing. Sorry, Lumiere.
Stacey: See, if it stayed as an emo candle but grew up a bit, I’d probably be signing up for wax play. But the lamp part is just too odd.
609 Chandelure
Stacey: I see the appeal on an intellectual level, but mechanically I’m struggling. Pass again, unfortunately.
Joe: As a pokemon, Chandelure is great. As a smashing partner, it’s a bit too far after Lampent, so pass.
610 Axew
Joe: Tiny child dragon. When Unova wants kids, it really makes them the smallest, babyish things possible, huh? Pass.
Stacey: Yeah other Gens have full-on babies but Unova is just full of annoying children.
611 Fraxure
Stacey: Here we go. Maybe it’s because I’m on a dry spell and the beer goggles have taken their hold, but we’re finally back to smashing.
Joe: In Unova’s defense, it does have a good track record of having middle-stages feel less like teenagers and more just Short Kings. Fraxure is a full adult in a nice, compact package, so smash.
612 Haxorus
Joe: I think Haxorus, like Chandelure, is pushing the design too far. But it is still a big, scary dragon, so I feel obligated to smash.
Stacey: Yeah this design could be a lot better, but it’s still safely in the realms of smashdom.
613 Cubchoo
Stacey: Another child! This one is snotty! Pass!
Joe: The childness ruins it as a smash, the snot ruins it as a likeable Pokemon. Hard, hard pass.
614 Beartic
Joe: It’s a bear, of course I’m smashing it. But I will say that Beartic is my least favourite of the bear Pokemon. Turns out having a massive bush and a beard that’s implied to be made of frozen snot just ain’t all that attractive.
Stacey: Yeah you can have this one to yourself. The base design is fine, if a little too scary, but the extra details are nonsense, and not in a good Sabrina Carpenter way.
615 Cryogonal
Stacey: I feel like I have to. It has hypnotised me.
Joe: It looks like one of the masks from Crash Bandicoot, pass.
616 Shelmet
Joe: Oh hey, it’s that Pokemon that’s tangentially related to that other, forgettable Pokemon we saw almost 20 ‘mons ago! What a treat! Pass.
Stacey: I used to quite like Unova before we did this.
617 Accelgor
Stacey: This isn’t too far off, but it’s still a smash. Points for effort though.
Joe: I just don’t understand it. It’s like Speed Racer and a Mummy laid an egg together. Pass.
618 Stunfisk
Joe: I thought maybe I’d smash just for the meme, but nope, I can’t do it. Stunfisk is nasty. Pass.
Stacey: I mean, even for Unova, this one is terrible. Pass.
619 Mienfoo
Stacey: It definitely gets better next time, but there’s enough appeal here to smash. Arms are a bit weird, but not enough to put me off.
Joe: I understand, but also it looks like DW from Arthur. Pass.
620 Mienshao
Joe: Now this is a smash. In my mind, Mienshao is an elegant art curator, and I’m visiting his gallery at closing time. And then we smash.
Stacey: I think she looks more like the snobby artisté herself, but either way it’s an easy smash.
621 Druddigon
Stacey: I admire that it’s a big dragon with no messing around waiting to evolve, but it’s a little too big and sharp for me. Pass.
Joe: “A little too big”? There’s no such thing. Druddigon might look like he was made by a child cutting out fuzzy felt, but it’s still a smash.
622 Golett
Joe: Once again we have a Short King, and whoof, those arms. Smash.
Stacey: Golett is way less of a child than I remember, but it’s still a pass.
623 Golurk
Stacey: I’m going to be less enthusiastic than Joe’s, but it’s still a smash.
Joe: This is the single most Himbo-y Pokemon ever designed. There isn’t a single thought going on in that beautiful head, but he’d know how to be a gentle lover. Perhaps one of the easiest smashes of this gen.
624 Pawniard
Joe: Sorry, not into the blades. Pass.
Stacey: The blades are off-putting, but I love the bratty energy. Smash.
625 Bisharp
Stacey: Gets worse when he’s all serious, but still a smash for this one.
Joe: I might revisit this line a lot later on, but for now it’s still a pass.
626 Bouffalant
Joe: I know it’s just a bull, but the rings on the horns kind of work. This is a bull that knows how to accessorise, smash.
Stacey: The hair is a bit much, but not enough to put me off. Smash for this sturdy beast.
Joe: Pass on the baby, but…
628 Braviary
Joe: … anincrediblyeasy smash on the daddy. Braviary is just beautiful, and by far my favourite bird Pokemon. Smash-wise it might not exactly be Golurk or Emboar, but design-wise this is the apex of the whole gen. Love Braviary.
Stacey: I wasn’t expecting such detail for such a bland Pokemon. Pass.
629 Vullaby
Stacey: Literally wearing a nappy (that’s a diaper for all you Braviarys out there). Pass.
Joe: The nappy is a skull though, which is a power move. Pass all the same, though.
630 Mandibuzz
Joe: Mandibuzz tries to come for Braviary’s crown, and just doesn’t compare. It’s a gross vulture, not a majestic eagle. Pass.
Stacey: Wrong, clearly the far more appealing of this strange pairing. I don’t like birds, but it has enough charm for a smash.
631 Heatmor
Stacey: No. Weird. Pass.
Joe: What is it with this gen and taking a perfectly cool design that I maybe would’ve smashed, and then adding gross veiny bits to it? The crotch tubes have to go, Heatmor. Pass.
632 Durant
Joe: I’m sure there’s somebody out there that would, but not me. Pass.
Stacey: Do not like these strange little one and dones in Unova at all. Pass.
633 Deino
Stacey: At least this one is cute, but now we’re back to babies. Pass.
Joe: Goofy, but in a good way. Pass for now, but there’s potential.
634 Zweilous
Joe: Too much of a good thing makes Zweilous a downgrade over Deino. Pass.
Stacey: This just feels like double Deino rather than a serious evolution. Pass.
635 Hydreigon
Stacey: I admire the commitment to this design, but it’s definitely not smashable.
Joe: It loses the goofiness, but develops bigness and scariness, which makes it smashable. Plus three heads are better than one.
636 Larvesta
Joe: It’s a pretty Pokemon, and it’s fuzzy. But it’s a larva. This is the most difficult pass for me so far, for some bizarre reason.
Stacey: I can see the dilemma, but knowing where it goes, it’s a simple pass for me.
637 Volcarona
Stacey: Here we go. An obvious smash for my darling angel.
Joe: We’re entering a big run of smashes now. I passed on Larvesta, but I can’t pass on this supermodel of a bug. Smash.
638 Cobalion
Joe: Cobalion is my favourite legendary Pokemon. It’s distinguished, it rocks a cravatte, and it’s blue! Smash for sure.
Stacey: It surprises me, both that such a forgettable Pokemon is your favourite and that the hooves don’t put you off. It’s a smash for me as well though.
639 Terrakion
Stacey: The only Sword of Justice I would pass on.
Joe: They have hooves, yeah, but they seem sentient enough to know not to smash my jaw with them. Terrakion is the hottest of the Swords - this beefcake can take me to town any day.
640 Virizion
Joe: Another fancy art curator like Mienshao, but with a bit less of the pompousness that made the former appealing. It’s a smash, but the least obvious one so far for the Swords.
Stacey: I think this is the easiest one of the lot, the most majestic of the three and a simple smash for the final Sword.
641 Tornadus
Stacey: I don’t really care for the elemental Legendaries, but on a pure smash level I see the appeal. Smash, but not too readily.
Joe: They’re hunky men, it would be weird for me not to. Tornadus specifically has the glorious hair, but the colour scheme is a little off. It’s a smash for sure, regardless.
642 Thundurus
Joe: Hunky Man #2 is a definite improvement over Tornadus. The colour scheme’s better, and the tail is ever so slightly suggestive. Smash.
Stacey: I think it’s difficult to tell them apart or, more to the point, care. But it’s still a smash for this trio.
643 Reshiram
Stacey: It suffers from the overdesigned problems with a lot of Legendaries, but it comes out the other end looking spectacular. A smash without hesitation.
Joe: You have to smash the cover stars, right? Reshiram looks like an angel or something, and while it is very overdesigned, it’s an overdesign you could lose yourself in. Smash.
644 Zekrom
Joe: The pared-down, slicker design of the two doesn’t make Zekrom any less of a smash.
Stacey: I’d say it does make it less of a smash, as it’s clearly inferior, but it’s still well inside the bounds of smashability.
645 Landorus
Stacey: The final of the elemental trio, I enjoy their general appeal even if I barely care which one is which. Smash.
Joe: It might just be because of the slightly fleshier colour, but Landorus feels like the hunkiest of these hunky men. While the hair is a big miss, you can more clearly see those treetrunk arms, so I won’t be spending too much time looking up. Smash.
646 Kyurem
Joe: And so my smash-streak comes to an end with Kyurem. This one goes slightly too far into looking scary-scary over scary-hot, pass.
Stacey: Yeah, I’m not here for Kyurem either. The bad side of overdesigning your Legendaries.
647 Keldeo
Stacey: Not only is it too much of a child, it also has that strange, bulbous nose. Pass.
Joe: The twinkiest of the Swords of Justice (even if it isn’ttechnicallyone, it counts). We don’t tolerate that in my house, pass.
648 Meloetta
Joe: This is just pure, unbridled Stacey bait, isn’t it? Pass for me, it’s your time to shine Stacey.
Stacey: I adore Meloetta, she’s perfectly designed and everything about her is a joy. It’s an easy smash and a wonderful palette cleanser after Unova’s repeated oddities.
649 Genesect
Stacey: And we end on a big smash for this metal beefcake. Crush me, Genesect.
Joe: Holy crap, I was not expecting that at all. It looks too much like the Enterprise for me, I don’t want to smash a spaceship. I end Unova on a slightly shocked pass.
Final Score
Stacey: 51/156 = 32.7 percent (overall total 188/649 = 29 percent)
Joe: 44/156 = 28.2 percent (overall total 196/649 = 30.2 percent)
Despite repeated complaints about the region throughout, both of our brave editors easily clear the 25 percent threshold this time. What’s more, Stacey’s clear victory in Unova cuts the overall lead down to single figures, with Joe taking an eight smash lead (just 1.2 percent) into Kalos. This is the smallest region yet, which means every smash counts. You know, apart from the fact it’s all meaningless. Tune in next week to see where we go from here.
Next:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Sinnoh Edition
