And now the end is here, and so I face that final curtain. Our two most humiliation-resistant editors, Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley and Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock, have made their way through everyPokemonregion designating every Pokemon in them as a smash or a pass. Now, as we reach Paldea, their arduous journey is almost over.
In each region, the pair are aiming for a 25 percent smash success rate, something Stacey has hit every time and Joe has only fallen afoul of once,missing Sinnoh by just a single smash. Joe has won three regions so far to Stacey’s five, but overall he holds an 11 smash lead going into the final showdown. Who will emerge victorious and, more importantly, will anyone care?
Related:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Kanto Edition
906 Sprigatito
Joe: As is tradition, hard pass on the first little baby starter.
Stacey: Yeah, gotta keep that trend going until the very end.
907 Floragato
Stacey: And Floragato’s not quite done yet, so another pass.
Joe: Really? Huh, I thought Florgato might just slip in there. It’s a pass for me too, but I would totally get it.
908 Meowscarada
Joe: Anyone who wouldn’t smash the Persona Cosplaying Cat is just lying to themselves.
Stacey: Yeah, I’m obviously smashing here, off to a good start in Paldea.
909 Fuecoco
Stacey: Again, no baby starters. Pass.
Joe: There isn’t a single thought in this little fella’s head. Even if he was hot, it’d feel wrong to smash.
910 Crocalor
Joe: One of the more awkward teenage phases for a starter, pass.
Stacey: This is the most recent game and still I had forgotten this one. Pass, lil goofball.
911 Skeledirge
Stacey: Fire starters are the least smashable in most regions, and that remains true here.
Joe: I wouldn’t describe this as an “easy” smash, but it’s still a pretty enthusiastic one. Crocodiles are inherently hot, and this thing is a singer on top of it. Smash.
912 Quaxly
Joe: Not only would I not smash Quaxly, I would also take away its phone. It looks like it wants to be an influencer, yuck.
Stacey: I’m not sure I see the influencer but yeah it’s definitely not a smash.
913 Quaxwell
Stacey: However, I’m back around for Quaxwell. This is the second-stage starter I’m picking from Paldea.
Joe: Dumpy for days, but there’s just something not quite right about Quaxwell. Pass.
Stacey: Again, lying if you say you wouldn’t. Definite smash.
917 Tarountula
Stacey: No, this thing is weird.
Joe: I like it, but it’s not a smash. One of the better spider Pokemon, though.
918 Spidops
Joe: This is a smash. Dextrous arms, sticky hands, a grizzled look, there’s a lot Spidops could be good for.
Stacey: I feel like I’m going to lose this smash race to the ugliest, stupidest things, but pass here.
Joe: It looks like it’s crying, pass.
920 Lokix
Joe: I just can’t. I should, it has ‘tude, but I can’t. It looks like a Transformer. Pass.
Stacey: Gotta smash on the big metal bug. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.
Joe: It’s weirdly feral for a Pikachu clone, pass.
922 Pawmo
Joe: I had no idea there were three Pokemon in this line. This is just Pawmi standingstood up though, right? Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, these are the least evolved evolutions maybe ever. Pass, again.
923 Pawmot
Stacey: This time it stands up and styles its hair. Pass, again again.
Joe: This is the first time I’m learning this Pokemon exists, and I put Scarlet and Violet on my Game of the Year list. I like it, it’s fluffy and big and chunky, let’s smash.
924 Tandemaus
Joe: “We really like your vibe” only works when you’re not tiny, adorable mice. Pass.
Stacey: I hate these so much. I hate that they became a meme and that I’m forced to see these Mickey Mouse dipped in acid freaks. Pass.
925 Maushold
Stacey: Tandemaus but their kids are watching. Pass.
Joe: I wasn’t expecting that strong a reaction to Tandemaus. Maushold doesn’t need me, they’re already got their life in order and I’m no homewrecker. Pass.
Stacey: Cute, but not in a smash way.
927 Dachsbun
Stacey: It’s still just too much of an actual dog, I get that it’s made of bread but it’s so obviously just a pooch, so it’s a pass.
Joe: Agreed. I love a brioche, but not enough to sleep with it.
928 Smoliv
Joe: Olives taste like vomit. Pass.
Stacey: I don’t mind olives chopped up in a pasta, but I do mind them in my bed. Pass.
929 Dolliv
Stacey: This is more like it. It’s still a little small and could be a lot better, but as a cute plant lady she needs to go on the smash list I fear.
Joe: There’s always a plant lady to muck up my lead, pass.
930 Arboliva
Joe: This feels like one of the weaker Plant Lady designs. Pass.
Stacey: It definitely is one of the weaker ones, I passed on Steenee knowing Tsareena was coming, and if Arboliva was Tsareena standard, Dolliv would have bitten the dust. I’ll still smash Arboliva, but not all that enthusiastically.
Joe: Nah nah nah, Squawkabilly is effortlessly cool. Easy smash.
932 Nacli
Joe: I’d grind on it, but only to sprinkle on my chips. Pass.
Stacey: It’s a great design but not a smashable one.
933 Naclstack
Stacey: It’s a less great design and still not a smashable one.
Joe: More like it can eat my naclstacks with how unsmashable it is.
934 Garganacl
Joe: More like it can garga-on-my-nacles with how unsmashable it is.
Stacey: Man this line keeps going, eh? Pass, let’s move on.
935 Charcadet
Stacey: It’s just a lil baby again. Pass.
Joe: This is literally a child with a costume their parents bought from Smyth’s. Pass.
936 Armarouge
Joe: I just don’t get what this line is. Are they meant to be Power Rangers? If it didn’t have the armour, it might have been a smash, but it looks too silly with it. Pass.
Stacey: It’s easy. Charcadet is the child in a costume their parents bought. This is daddy…
937 Ceruledge
Stacey: …and this is mommy. Smash for both parents.
Joe: We’ve mostly been on the same wavelength with Mommy ‘mons, but I don’t see it here. The emo vibe makes it a smash, though.
938 Tadbulb
Joe: I want to jiggle its tail, but not like that. Pass.
Stacey: Looks more like a toy you might use to aid the smashing of other Pokemon. Pass, but may find a use for it later.
939 Bellibolt
Stacey: No, no smash for the weird, off-brand plastic night light.
Joe: I adore Bellibolt, he looks so goofy. But the eyes being the nostrils and not the clearly-meant-to-be-eyes things really puts me off. Pass.
940 Wattrel
Joe: Some of my favourite bird Pokemon in the whole series (bar Braviary, of course). Wattrel is just a little seagull, so pass, but god was it a close call.
Stacey: What? No. It’s a tiny ugly bird.
941 Kilowattrel
Stacey: I see this one a little more, but it’s still a pass.
Joe: This line has personality. Paldea did a really good job of making bird Pokemon more than just A Bird by giving them a little bit of zest and attitude, and I love it. Kilowattrel is an easy smash.
942 Maschiff
Joe: Another really easy smash. Personality goes a long way, which Dachsbun didn’t have.
943 Mabosstiff
Stacey: Older sad little dork of a dog. Pass again.
Joe: You come to me on this, the day of our final smashing, and you don’t smash the Goddaddy? Come on. Easy. Smash.
944 Shroodle
Joe: It’s a… bug? Thing? Pass.
Stacey: Yeah I’m not sure what it is. The name is fun to say at least.
945 Grafaiai
Stacey: Actively designed to be ugly. Remember when they showed this one off as a reason to be excited for Scarlet & Violet? I guess they were smart to temper our expectations.
Joe: I remember you really liking Grafaiai when it was revealed. As a design, I love it. As a smash, that finger can stay right away from me.
946 Bramblin
Joe: Ah, the visual representation of our romantic lives after we’ve got no more Pokemon to smash. Pass.
Stacey: Actually I have a real human girlfriend, but I make sure she never sees these.
947 Brambleghast
Stacey: I love this Pokemon, but not to smash. Fun to battle with though and have it roll around after you.
Joe: Okay, visual representation ofmyromantic life after smashing Pokemon, especially seeing as you’ve already refused to move onto Digimon with me. It’s just a bigger tumbleweed, pass.
948 Toedscool
Joe: Gay Tentacool gets smashed. He’s so fruity, I love it.
Stacey: Again, I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t smash it. Big loser energy.
949 Toedscruel
Stacey: I see this one a little more, but it’s still not for me. Pass.
Joe: The big snout really ruins Toedscruel. This went from a little fruity guy to a bastardised Moomin. Pass.
950 Klawf
Joe: Traditional German Toy That Is Also A Crab is an easy pass.
Stacey: Yeah, just a little unsettling in general, and certainly not smashable.
951 Capsakid
Stacey: Getting chillies near your smash parts is a bad idea.
Joe: Literally has “kid” in the name, too. Pass.
952 Scovillain
Joe: God, I’m a big Scarlet and Violet defender and even I can’t defend this nightmare. Pass.
Stacey: I’m not too against the design in all honesty, but there’s nothing endearing or smashable about it. Pass again.
953 Rellor
Stacey: I mean, come on. Absolutely not.
Joe: I like his little face, but carrying a ball of shit with you wherever you go is a turn-off.
954 Rabsca
Joe: The ball now not being faeces is an upgrade, but everything else is worse. Pass, I feel Paldea slipping away from me.
Stacey: It’s a jazzy Rellor, but there’s not enough glitter in the world to fix this one.
955 Flittle
Stacey: I also worry about the 25 percent smash threshold, so I’m going to say Flittle is close enough for horseshoes and smash.
Joe: No. No it isn’t even remotely close enough for me, pass.
956 Espathra
Joe: F*** Sia, and f*** Espathra. But not in that way. It’s a pass. F*** this.
Stacey: Oh because of the hair, right. you’re able to see her eyes so it’s more like early-Gaga than Sia, and for that I’m smashing despite my long standing bird aversion.
Joe: Too awful.
958 Tinkatuff
Joe: I love the design, but no. Pass. Come on, Paldea, give me a big boy.
Stacey: It’s just not quite ready yet.
959 Tinkaton
Stacey: There we go. Still not perfect, but well within the realms of smashdom.
Joe: I’m going to bite the bullet and embrace the Queenly aspects of Tinkaton. She has a hammer, she craves violence against Corviknight, she still has a big hammer. She might be a weird jellybean lady, but she sure does have a big hammer. Smash.
960 Wiglett
Joe: Come on, no.
Stacey: Have to say it feels like you’re cheating to count Tinkaton as a Classic Joe Parlock Big Boy, but I’ll allow it because I love her. Pass on this daft lad though.
961 Wugtrio
Stacey: Still no, three heads aren’t better than one.
Joe: I’m gonna keep talking about Tinkaton because Wugtrio deserves no acknowledgement. She isn’t a Classic Joe Parlock Big Boy, but she can actually kill me which gets her just enough points to push just over into a smash. Not Pangoro by any means. God, I really miss Pangoro.
962 Bombirdier
Joe:Something. Anything. I’m drying out here. Please. Pass.
Stacey: Paldea is being kind to me, even the birds are getting smashes now.
Stacey: Very cute, a comfy smash. What’s not to love?
Joe: It’s like Lisa Frank designed a Pokemon… smash.
964 Palafin
Joe: I’m assuming we’re talking about the Hero Form here, because regular Palafin is virtually identical to Finizen. This is the first taste of Big Boy we’ve had this whole generation, and even then the eyes weird me out. It’s a smash, but one that’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Stacey: Smashing both forms is pretty straightforward for me, so I don’t mind how you define it.
965 Varoom
Stacey: Oh I forgot about this one too. Pass, what a strange idea.
Joe: It’scool, but it isn’t smash-y.
966 Revavroom
Joe: Now it’s gone a little too far into Brave Little Toaster town, pass.
Stacey: I do prefer this design, but not for smashing purposes.
967 Cyclizar
Stacey: This one is right on the borderline, so I’m going to settle for smash since it’s our last outing.
Joe: This one isn’t even on the borderline for me, Cyclizar is a straight and simple smash. A little bland, but it’s meant to be mounted so who am I to refuse?
968 Orthworm
Joe: Orthworm gets a lot of hate and I don’t get why. It’s a big, friendly, goofy worm, and it is getting smashed.
Stacey: Let me explain why it gets so much hate - it’s a big stupid worm in a cock ring. Pass.
969 Glimmet
Stacey: Again, it looks like a tool for smashing rather than an actual smashable Pokemon.
Joe: I hate this line, it’s such a Nothing design. Pass.
970 Glimmora
Joe: Same applies here, it doesn’t even look remotely alive. Pass.
Stacey: It’s just a fancier version of whatever Glimmet is. I don’t want to find out.
971 Greavard
Stacey: And so my lead begins to erode. Pass.
Joe: Finally, some good food. Once again, personality sells it for Greavard and it’s a pretty easy smash. If it’s going to drain the life out of me, I might as well have fun while doing it.
972 Houndstone
Joe: I don’t like Houndstone’s design quite as much as Greavard’s, but it still looks awesome. It’s also massive, goth-y, and a little goofy, so smash.
Joe: I love flamingos, but this isjusta flamingo. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah this is just a baby.
975 Cetitan
Stacey: Big Boy territory again. That doesn’t usually do it for me, and today is of course no exception. Pass.
Joe: 4.5m, 400kg, of course it’s a smash. It isn’t the best Big Boy we’ve had by a long shot, but Paldea has been severely lacking so I’m content for now.
Stacey: All of the fish you like are ugly. Pass.
977 Dondozo
Stacey: Just a little too much going on here, it’s a pass.
Joe: A fish serving up other fish as sushi is weird and slightly too on-the-nose for me to go for. Pass.
978 Tatsugiri
Joe: Ridiculously cute, but still not a smash. No fishy-smashies for me this gen?
Stacey: Yeah, maybe the most adorable Pokemon of the lot but way too cute to smash.
979 Annihilape
Stacey: This name screams ‘smash me daddy’, but then the actual Pokemon is a gross unkempt loser who hasn’t showered in days. Pass. What a let down.
Joe: Absolutely disagree, Annihilape can annihilate me any day. What an undead babe.
980 Clodsire
Joe: Possibly the most perfect Pokemon to ever be designed. I want to smash it, I want to cuddle it, I want to use it as a pillow, I want to nurture it.
Stacey: I knew this would be a big smash from you but I just can’t see it.
981 Farigiraf
Stacey: I call a lot of Pokemon dorks but I like the dorky cosplay nature of this one, and I think I’m just about on team smash for it.
Joe: It really bothers me how top-heavy this is. There’s no way it should be able to stand up, and yet it does, and that’s concerning. Pass.
982 Dudunsparce
Joe: It’s a big, friendly worm. I want to smash just to say I have, to be honest.
Stacey: Possibly the most pointless Pokemon ever designed. Although we have three versions of Pawmi, so maybe that’s just Paldea’s thing.
983 Kingambit
Stacey: It’s a little too far removed from Bisharp’s sleek look, but I’m still just about happy to smash here.
Joe: All the blades put me off Bisharp, but the commanding Daddy vibes here get me back on board. Smash.
984 Great Tusk
Joe: It’s time for the Paradox Pokemon, and Great Tusk gets a smash. The primeval look works very well, and it’s probably the best-looking ancient Paradox Pokemon of the lot. It can trample me.
Stacey: I love the Paradox Pokemon, but we’re not starting off on a smash. More to come.
985 Scream Tail
Stacey: Here we go, the first Paradox smash of the region for me. A great version of Jigglypuff.
Joe: It feels fitting that we’re looking back at Jigglypuff right at the end of our adventures across the Pokemon world. It’s a nice bookend to this nightmare, but I still hate looking at Scream Tail. Pass.
986 Brute Bonnet
Joe: I don’t get how a prehistoric Pokemon looks like a pokeball, when we just had prototype Pokeballs in Hisui? Pass for the anachronism.
Stacey: Also pass because it’s ugly. The Poke Balls were surely designed after the mushroom markings anyway.
Joe: Yeah I get that one, smash for me too.
988 Slither Wing
Joe: Oh I totally forgot Slither Wing exists. Big, fluffy bug with a random lizard tail? Come to daddy, smash.
Stacey: I think Slither Wing might be my favourite of the lot to be honest. With that, it’s an easy smash.
Joe: It looks too pube-y, pass.
990 Iron Treads
Joe: The best ancient Pokemon has the worst futuristic one. It looks way too dorky with its funny pug-face. Pass.
Stacey: I think it’s an incredible cool design, like smashing a motorbike from beyond the moon. Let’s recreate Titane, I’m smashing.
991 Iron Bundle
Stacey: Oh my god. I forgot this one. My least favourite Pokemon of all time, back as a Terminator to eliminate me from the world of smashes forever. Die, die, die, die.
Joe: So… a pass? You were pretty vague on that one. The dead eyes make this a downgrade from Delibird, so pass for me too.
992 Iron Hands
Joe: A downgrade from Hariyama, but those big hands are just as appealing as they were a billion years earlier. Smash.
Stacey: A major downgrade, out of Smashland and into Passville.
993 Iron Jugulis
Stacey: I don’t care all that much for Hydreigon, but there’s something special about Iron Jugulis that makes it a smash.
Joe: It’s Glam Rock Hydreigon, how could you not smash?
994 Iron Moth
Joe: Volcarona is just gorgeous no matter what form it’s in, huh? Easy smash.
Stacey: Yeah it’s not quite Slither Wing, but Iron Moth is still a smash for me.
995 Iron Thorns
Stacey: It’s just a little too techy. I get it, I know it’s a CJPBB (Classic Joe Parlock Big Boy), but it’s just not for me.
Joe: It’s just Tyrannitar, innit? Of course it’s a CJPBB smash (or BB&J as I like to call it), but it isn’t doing much Tyrannitar didn’t either.
996 Frigibax
Joe: Just a lil’ guy. Pass, but with love.
Stacey: Oh I forgot we had this line after the Paradoxes. Yeah, pass on the baby.
997 Arctibax
Stacey: Kinda cute but not a smash at all.
Joe: This is a smash for me. Shove a beard on anything and I’m yours.
998 Baxcalibur
Joe: I don’t like the general shape of Baxcalibur. It’s weirdly bendy? But either way it’s a smash, it’s a cutie.
Stacey: Yeah I was with you for the first part when you said it was ugly and stupid, then you said smash, so I’m confused. Pass, anyway.
999 Gimmighoul
Stacey: Sigh. No.
Joe: Not every Pokemon has to be flawless to be a smash, sometimes those imperfections add to the appeal. Gimmighoul is nothing but flaws, though, so it’s a hard pass.
1000 Gholdengo
Joe: This dude knows how to party, I’d get it on with the Cheese String man for sure.
Stacey: We should have called time with the Paradox Pokemon. Pass.
1001 Wo-Chien
Stacey: Oh then there’s these guys. Pass again. My dreams of being a smash champ are over.
Joe: It’s a shaggy, mossy snail… go on then, let’s smash. I like the rustic vibe.
1002 Chien-Pao
Joe: Chien-Pao ‘accidentally’ makes avalanches to play in the snow. It’s a monster with an impaled face, pass.
Stacey: Okay well there’s at least one of these weird creatures I’m into. Smash.
1003 Ting-Lu
Stacey: Sticking a bowl on this thing’s head only makes it worse.
Joe: This might be a surprise, but I’m passing on Ting-Lu. You’re right, the bowl is too far, and I don’t like how rigid its neck is. It’s great right up to the shoulders, then gets too silly.
1004 Chi-Yu
Joe: I wouldn’t shag a goldfish. Would you shag a goldfish?
Stacey: I would not.
1005 Roaring Moon
Stacey: I would, however, for an ethereal angelic dragon of the rainbow. Smash.
Joe: Oh absolutely, Salamence is a babe no matter what time it’s from.
1006 Iron Valiant
Joe: Yes. Yes yes yes. Obviously. Yes smash.
Stacey: Another excellent design either side of those weird elemental dorks. Easy smash.
1007 Koraidon
Stacey: If it wasn’t for the tyres, then maybe. But probably not.
Joe: This is easily the biggest smash of this whole godforsaken region. Koraidon has that cocky swagger, the awesome hair, the ‘being-a-massive-primeval-dinosaur-I-can-ride’. Total no-brainer of a smash for this cover star.
1008 Miraidon
Joe: Miraidon I’m less into. I think it looks goofier than Koraidon, even if it doesn’t have a wheel embedded in its chest. It’s a pass.
Stacey: I’m actually more into this than Koraidon, so I think I’m going to smash.
1009 Walking Wake
Stacey: Nah, it trades the sleek design of Suicune for a weird mane and tentacle tail.
Joe: A huge downgrade from Suicune, pass.
1010 Iron Leaves
Joe: Iron Leaves is an upgrade on Virizion though. Big fan of the Swords of Justice, and this is one of the few future Pokemon that feels like an actual improvement on its forebears.
Stacey: I still think it’s a downgrade, but not enough that I’m passing. Still a smash, but on thin ice.
???? Munkidori
Joe: Meanwhile, this dude looks melted. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah this is more like a Rick & Morty thing than a Pokemon. Pass for sure.
???? Fezandipiti
Stacey: There we do. Finally. Definite smash.
Joe: I’m sorry but I think this is the only bird this gen Idon’tlike. The beak looks off and the spikes on the head are a lot.
???? Ogerpon
Joe: At the time of smashing, we don’t know a whole lot about Ogerpon, or whether that mask is its real face. Going under the assumption it is, it looks like a kid playing dress-up, so pass.
Stacey: Yeah it just looks very stupid right now. Could get better, probably won’t. Pass.
???? Terapagos
Stacey: You know, this is the last one ever and it’s just about cute enough. Smash.
Joe: There’s a fan theory that Terapogos is actually the entirety of Paldea. I want to believe that’s true so I can smash a whole country at once, so smash.
Final Score
Stacey: 29/109 = 26.6 percent (overall total 315/1015 = 31 percent)
Joe: 28/109 = 25.7 percent (overall total 325/1015 = 32 percent)
We’ve lived a life that’s full, and traveled each and every highway. But all things must end, and despite Stacey taking another region to make the score six to three on that front, the ultimate smash crown is won by Joe thanks to a comfortable ten smash lead. Now let’s never speak of this again.
Next:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Galar And Hisui Edition
