The end is in sight (or nigh depending on your feelings of dicking/getting dicked down byPokemon). For the past two months, our Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley and Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock have been noble Smashers-at-Large, heading to each region and declaring every Pokemon as either a smash, or a pass. Stacey has more victories overall, and Joe is the only one to have failed to hit the 25 percent threshold, but early heavy wins see him hanging on to a four smash lead, down from what once was 18.
The rules are simple. First, leave all sense of dignity at the door. Second, as mentioned above, our smashers are aiming to clear 25 percent of each region, at least. Third, we’re only going off base forms, but Megas/Gigantamax etc. can inform your decision. And that’s it. Smash along at home, if you like.
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810 Grookey
Stacey: I don’t think we’ve ever smashed the first stage starters and I’m not sure we ever will.
Joe: What happens if Gen 10 has a plant lady as the first one? Pass, but don’t write it completely off.
811 Thwackey
Joe: Thwackey is a good onomatopoeia for what we’ve been doing this whole time, but it isn’t a good smash. It looks like a jelly bean, pass.
Stacey: Gen 10 needs a plant lady starter but stage one would just be a sapling. Anyway, Thwackey is cute but is a pass.
812 Rillaboom
Stacey: Hmm, this is the worst of the three (smash wise), and I’m wondering if I’m judging it too harshly because of that. On balance, it’s a pass. Just.
Joe: Oh my god, we could not be more divided on this. Rillaboom is so ridiculously hot - the hair, the serious eyes, the er… gorilla-ness… anyway, easy-peasy smash, no hesitation.
813 Scorbunny
Joe: I don’t like this line, pass.
Stacey: Best line in Galar, but also pass on the baby.
814 Raboot
Stacey: Still a pass here, the most teenage of all the awkward teenage Pokemon.
Joe: The weebiest Pokemon is also somehow also an annoying Year 7. Pass.
815 Cinderace
Joe: Not only is Cinderace really over-designed, he’s a football nerd. Pass.
Stacey: Not only is Cinderace a football star, he’s also hot as f***. Smash. Big smash.
Joe: This feels wrong, pass.
817 Drizzile
Joe: The 2007-ass Emo hair just doesn’t do it for me. Another teenager. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah the hair isn’t so bad but extremely childish in its design, so pass.
818 Inteleon
Stacey: My least favourite overall, but smash-wise, I respect the slender frame, the cold disposition, the suave confidence. A smash for sure.
Joe: I would smash Inteleon the same way I would smash Hugh Laurie as House. No, I won’t explain that. Hard smash.
819 Skwovet
Joe: The Sentret of this generation is just a squirrel. Pass.
Stacey: It’s very British, I guess, but not a smash. Maybe those facts are related.
820 Greedent
Stacey: Like a Disney Princess’ talking comedy relief sidekick. I wouldn’t smash any of them either.
Joe: Why does he have such a massive bush? Pass, I don’t want to think about this thing anymore.
821 Rookidee
Joe: I can’t believe I’m smashing the Tiny Bird of this generation, but Rookidee has an appealing edginess. He’s got personality, he knows what he wants, he isn’t just a baby chick. Smash.
Stacey: Also cannot believe it. An easy pass.
822 Corvisquire
Stacey: I see this one more, but not really into the design, or as we know, birds. Pass.
Joe: Another strong smash. This is the aging goth who just wants to have fun.
823 Corviknight
Joe: Corviknight almost goes too hard, but I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t smash this thing up and down Galar.
824 Blipbug
Stacey: Come on now. Pass.
Joe: Oh no, he lost his protractor and TI-80 calculator. Nerd alert, pass.
825 Dottler
Joe: I see too much of myself in Dottler to want to smash it.
Stacey: Over 1,000 Pokemon and you identify with Dottler. Pass, anyway.
826 Orbeetle
Stacey: Okay, back in business. Not the best Bug-type around, but still well within the confines of smashability.
Joe: The body looks a tad too scraggly and vestigial, even though it has a strong eyebrow game. Pass.
827 Nickit
Joe: I won’t judge anyone who would, but I will not. Pass.
Stacey: Then do not judge me, for I would. Smash.
828 Thievul
Stacey: I don’t like the moustache, but that’s not enough to put me off this one. Smash again.
Joe: Thievul is giving me Leslie Phillips in his prime. Easy, sophisticated smash.
829 Gossifleur
Joe: Oh look, a plant lady. Pass, but have fun.
Stacey: This line is strange because I always feel like the conventions are in reverse - a larger, more detailed Gossifleur would suit the evolution, not the first stage. Anyway though, smash.
830 Eldegoss
Stacey: Not the best plant lady around, still would.
Joe: Eldegoss looks comfy, but it’s still a pass for me.
831 Wooloo
Joe: Wouldn’t be Poke-Britain without a sheep. Pass, though.
Stacey: Oh yeah, a staple of the region, but literally just a sheep. I would judge you, and I judge very few Pokemon smashes.
832 Dubwool
Stacey: A bigger sheep. Slightly less ‘absolutely not’, but still. Absolutely not.
Joe: I want to bury my face in it, but that’s all. Pass.
833 Chewtle
Joe: God, no. Just kick this child right across the street. Pass.
Stacey: Oh I quite like it, but not to smash.
834 Drednaw
Stacey: This one gets a lot better, but just not my thing. Pass.
Joe: Big? Check. Strong jaw? Check. Quadrupedal? Check check check check. It’s a danger-smash, but one I partake in willingly and enthusiastically.
835 Yamper
Joe: Very cute, but very much just a corgi. Pass.
Stacey: Man, Galar really stuffs the early routes with ‘babies that just animals’. Pass.
836 Boltund
Stacey: Way more like it, but still feels too much like a Paw Patrol character. Pass, but at least we’re on the right track.
Joe: I like everything but the tail that looks like it’s just slotted in there. Weighing up everything, it’s a smash because he’s just too endearingly eager, but I’m not hugely into it.
837 Rolycoly
Joe: Go on, dare you to smash the lump of coal. Pass.
838 Carkol
Stacey: More personality, not any more smashable though.
Joe: I like that one of the British tropes this gen felt the need to hit was the Great British Barbeque. Pass on this B&Q reject.
839 Coalossal
Joe: Finally, something big and scary. The pile of coal on its head is a bit much, but everything below that is a Grade-A non-renewable smash.
Stacey: Nothing going on for me here, sorry. Pass on the coal man.
841 Flapple
Joe: This thing looks like it hates being alive, pass.
Stacey: Oh nah, I think there’s a lot to live about this one. Another one that’s not the best of its trope, but still a simple smash.
842 Appletun
Stacey: Too goofy and friendly. I prefer this evolution as a Pokemon, but not a smash. So, pass.
Joe: Dorky himbo vibes makes Appletun a nice, wholesome smash. That, and also I’m really hungry…
843 Silicobra
Joe: I don’t like that its eyes make it look like it’s been crying and had its mascara run, pass.
Joe: Very, very goofy. Pass.
845 Cramorant
Joe: Cramorant doesn’t feel like it’s sentient, even with our generous definition of sentience so far. Those eyes have nothing behind them. Pass.
Stacey: I don’t think sentience is the issue, it’s just very ugly. Pass.
846 Arrokuda
Stacey: Another uggo. Galar is worse than I remember, and it wasn’t even that long ago.
Joe: Awww, I think Arrokuda is cute enough for a smash. He’s an eager chap with a cute underbite.
847 Barraskewda
Joe: Arrokuda’s better, but Barraskewda still fundamentally has the things I liked before. It’s a smash.
Stacey: I can’t believe you hate Bruxish and are going to bat for these freaks. Pass.
848 Toxel
Stacey: Literally a baby. Galar, what are you doing to me? Pass.
Joe: It has a nappy. This is the babiest baby Pokemon ever. Hard pass.
849 Toxtricity
Joe: Daddy. Absolute daddy. Give me that lazy punk rocker. Smash smash smash.
Stacey: One million percent smashing on the rockstar daddy. Real Machine Gun Kelly vibes (I know, I know). Galar’s best smash?
850 Sizzlipede
Stacey: Pass on the spicy Refresher bar.
Joe: The little moustache is cute, but it’s also a flatworm. Pass.
851 Centiskorch
Joe: I smashed Scolipede, and Centiskorch is giving me that same feeling. I can’t quite quantify why, but I’m going to smash the oven hob worm.
Stacey: No, I definitely see this one. It has an attitude to it that you have to admire. I’m smashing too.
852 Clobbopus
Stacey: Just a lil too smol. Pass.
Joe: He’s just a little guy. Pass, but with nothing but love.
853 Grapploct
Joe: Big brother Grapploct can get it though. What’s better than two arms? Four tentacles and experience in using them. Smash.
Stacey: Same page again. Grapploct me harder, daddy.
854 Sinistea
Stacey: A cup of tea. Galar really phones some of these in.
Joe: Antiques Roadshow would be a very different show if a teacup was ever in the realm of smashability. Pass.
855 Polteageist
Joe: Hard pass. Does this thing have a really long torso and little stubby legs, or are they just legs for days? The proportions don’t make sense.
856 Hatenna
Stacey: Not yet. Soon, but not yet.
Joe: Oh god this is one hell of a Stacey line. Pass, and I want to cower in fear of what’s to come.
857 Hattrem
Joe: Too much like a little girl, pass.
Stacey: Galar really stitched me up by making two out of the three of this line little babies. Pass.
858 Hatterene
Stacey: There we go! I lied about Toxricity. This is the smash of the season. A witchy mommy who can take my soul and anything else she desires.
Joe: Our surprising run of being in-sync comes to an unfortunate end, but I just don’t really get Hatterene. There’s a lot going on, and under the hair she looks like a twig. Sorry, it’s a pass.
859 Impidimp
Joe: Actually I’d rather go back to Hatterene than have to think about this nightmare line. Pass.
860 Morgrem
Stacey: Cool design, but in no way smashable. Pass.
Joe: I normally hate it when people say something “doesn’t look like a Pokemon”, but this whole line really doesn’t look like Pokemon. Even worse, it doesn’t look like something I want to have sex with.
861 Grimmsnarl
Joe: Nope. It may be big and scary, but I just hate it and its weird teeth. The lowpoint of Galar, which is saying a lot. Pass.
Stacey: Too big and weird, like a Dragon Age enemy. No thanks.
862 Obstagoon
Stacey: Definitely into this rockstar though, Galar hits some real high notes when it wants to.
Joe: Galar is making me realise I’m way more into crusty rock daddies than I thought I was. Easy smash.
863 Perrserker
Joe: It’s Meowth, but hotter. The beard sells it for me, smash.
Stacey: It’s Meowth, but an old man. Pass.
864 Cursola
Stacey: Dead. Pass.
Joe: Reminders of the ongoing climate crisis are not hot. Pass.
865 Sirfetch’d
Joe: We all know where that leek’s going. The eyebrows, the cocky attitude… the whole package makes Sirfetch’d a smash.
Stacey: I was against birds before, but I can make a rare exception for Sirfetch’d, it’s a definite smash.
866 Mr. Rime
Stacey: This one, however, is a definite pass. Did we need more Mime in our lives?
Joe: I do. Mr. Rime is a gentleman and has one hell of a tache. Smash.
867 Runerigus
Joe: Runerigus was my main Pokemon in Shield, but that doesn’t make it a smash. Someone’s clearly done that to it already. Pass.
Stacey: I had this on my native team too, but none of that was inspired by its smashability. Passing on the dead rocks.
868 Milcery
Stacey: I mean, it’s just a splash of milk. If there was a bit more to it… then I’d feel less guilty. Smash.
Joe: This looks more like the byproduct of a smash than a smash itself. Pass.
869 Alcremie
Joe: Look, I’ll be entirely honest: I’d smash an Eton Mess even if it wasn’t a Pokemon. Smash.
Stacey: Definitely a smash for this creamy babe.
870 Falinks
Stacey: I like the idea of this thing as a Pokemon, but not as a smash.
Joe: Do you not want a ménage à huit with Falinks? Me neither, to be frank. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, gotta be a no.
872 Snom
Stacey: Didn’t quite get the hype with this one. Definitely would not smash.
Joe: I love Snom to bits, but he’s just too much of a little fella. Pass.
873 Frosmoth
Joe: How did they make a moth Mommy? Whatever, smash.
Stacey: Finally we’re on the same wavelength with a mommy ‘mon. Easy smash.
874 Stonjourner
Stacey: I forgot this existed, and now I remember why. Enjoy though.
Joe: It feels weird to say for a gigantic monolith, but there’s something a bit babyish about Stonjourner. This isn’t a monument I can get into, pass.
875 Eiscue
Joe: I really want to meet the person who’d smash Eiscue, just to ask them a few questions. Pass.
Stacey: This is at least a funky design though. Still a pass, but I admire it.
876 Indeedee
Stacey: Indeedy, a million percent a smash for this cutie. No idea what it is or why. All I know is smash.
Joe: Wow, this is one dummy thicc Pokemon. I think it’s a pass though, it’d be hard to gauge if they really want it with how obsessed with serving people they are.
877 Morpeko
Joe: The Hangry Pikaclone of Galar is a really, really obvious pass. No thanks.
Stacey: I don’t hate it, but I wouldn’t smash it.
878 Cufant
Stacey: Very, very cute. But alas, not a smash.
Joe: Looks a lot like Elmer the Elephant, which I wouldn’t smash purely out of respect.
Stacey: I see it, but it’s really not for me.
880 Dracozolt
Stacey: I will say, I think the idea to mix fossils is unique, if nothing else. However I hate them all.
Joe: None of these things should be alive, but Dracozolt does have the biggest dumpy so… hate-smash.
881 Arctozolt
Joe: Please just put them out of their misery, this one doesn’t even have cake to back it up. Pass.
882 Dracovish
Stacey: I hate them all.
Joe: The ones with the fish heads are so much worse, pass.
883 Arctovish
Joe: At least this one is all the right pieces, just put together in the wrong order. Please make it stop, pass…
Joe: I’d smash a landmark, though. Smash.
885 Dreepy
Joe: Another in the “love it, don’t want to smash it” family, pass.
Stacey: Yeah, just a little too goofy. But I’m a fan. Still, pass.
886 Drakloak
Stacey: This one isn’t all the way there, but it’s still comfortably in smash territory.
Joe: Provided we can get the Dreepy to go play with some Lego in another room or something, this is a pretty decent smash.
887 Dragapult
Joe: I kind of prefer Drakloak. Again, as long as the Dreepy goes away it’s a smash, but this is a pretty big downgrade.
Stacey: No, I do think it’s an upgrade, although it’s not as good as some other final Dragons. Still a smash though.
888 Zacian
Stacey: I’m thinking I have to choose one of the box Legendaries, so I’m opting for Zacian.
Joe: If we’re only choosing one, it wouldn’t be Zacian for me. I don’t like the colour scheme as much. Under normal circumstances this’d still be a smash, but I respect the rules and so will pass.
889 Zamazenta
Joe: In which case, Zamazenta for me. He’s bulkier, with bolder colours and a more serious face. Smash.
Stacey: You’re free to choose both, I just had to psyche myself up for at least one. And not this one. Pass.
890 Eternatus
Stacey: Worst Pokemon ever? Has to be close. Pass.
Joe: It is easily the most egregious “just shapes” Pokemon of all time, but I have to smash a major natural disaster. Especially when it Eternamaxes – you can’t not smash the biggest Pokemon of all.
891 Kubfu
Joe: He falls into the same category of Teddiursa as being a bear Pokemon I just have to pass on. This is a child.
Stacey: Yeah, nothing worth smashing here, feels weird that we get a little bear after the monstrosity of Eternatus.
892 Urshifu
Stacey: This is more like it. A huge upgrade, and a strong, safe smash.
Joe: Oh god yes. Not quite Pangoro, but a strong contender for all-time hottest Pokemon. Urshifu is perfect. Smash.
893 Zarude
Joe: Zarude is on the borderline of being just a little too primal, but then you see it be a caring parent in the anime and yep. Yep it’s a smash.
Stacey: Nah, sorry. Ugly monkey.
894 Regieleki
Stacey: Oh my god the Regis are back. I hate them.
Joe: I’m a big Regi lover and evem I can’t get on board with these two. Pass.
895 Regidrago
Joe: Regidrago is the stronger of the two, but the big Charizard skull is just overegging it. Pass.
Stacey: Still hate them.
896 Glastrier
Stacey: I’ve always been a horse girl, and this noble steed is welcome relief. Smash, unequivocally.
Joe: I’m very muchnota horse girl, but Glastrier hits the same notes as Mudsdale. A big, robust boy who has a gentle air about him. Smash.
897 Spectrier
Joe: The thing I don’t like about horses is specifically the hooves and how kick-happy they are with them. This thing doesn’t have hooves, which makes it a nice, Joe-friendly Horse Smash.
Stacey: This is not a noble steed but a wild, untamed stallion. Even bigger smash.
898 Calyrex
Stacey: No. It’s stupid.
Joe: I want to defend Calyrex, I really do. It’s regal, it looks cool when riding the -Striers, and I feel like it’d treat you right. But also it’s a stuffed toy dangling off a giant brussel sprout, and I can’t smash that. Pass.
899 Wyrdeer
Joe: And so we leave Galar around and head back to Sinnoh. Or, more specifically, Hisui. I like everything about Wyrdeer, bar the weird old man face, which makes it a big pass.
Stacey: We come to Hisui, see Wyrdeer, and wish we hadn’t bothered. Pass.
900 Kleavor
Stacey: This week has been the worst one of this whole deal. Pass.
Joe: Not for me, I’ve got a hot bug with killer brows and a nice beard. Smash.
901 Ursaluna
Joe: Ursaluna is a downgrade from Ursaring. It’s like it became more feral and less cuddly-protector-bear. It’s still a smash, and still better than Beartic, but not by much.
Stacey: Weird Thanksgiving turkey of a bear. Pass.
902 Basculegion
Stacey: Remember when smashing Pokemon was fun? Remember when Tsareena was here? Pass, as I think about better times.
Joe: Someone’s grumpy that I’ve had a smash-fest this gen, and Basculegion is yet another hot fish this week. Smash.
903 Sneasler
Joe: And suddenly I hit a brick-wall. Sneasler is cool looking, but it looks too much like someone trying to cosplay Weavile from memory, pass.
Stacey: Just goofy. So many goofy uggos this week.
904 Overqwil
Stacey: Finally, a darkly gorgeous creature arrives. A definite smash for this bomb of a fish.
Joe: This is a nonjudgmental space, butreally? And here I was thinking I wouldn’t feel weird for passing on a spiky ball of toxins.
905 Enamorus
Joe: Landorus, Thundurus and Tornadus were big buff men with the downside of also being horrific cloud-things. Enamorus certainly has a look, but the lack of raw beef doesn’t make her a smash like her brothers are.
Stacey: Horrendous taste. Enamorus is an easy smash, and at least this week ends on a high point.
Final Score
Stacey: 27/96 = 28.2 percent (overall total 286/905 = 31.6 percent)
Joe: 34/96 = 35.4 percent (overall total 297/905 = 32.8 percent)
Both smashers clear the bar and then some, but Joe wins a region for the first time in a month, and by a wide margin, extending a lead that was in danger of slipping away. He heads into Paldea 11 to the good - has Stacey left herself with too much to do? Find out next week as we finally draw this horrible humiliation to a close.
NEXT:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Kalos Edition
