We’re back, and we’re still smashing. After six long weeks in smash heaven, our two most repellent editors (Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley and Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock) are here once again to decide whichPokemonto smash and which to pass. This time, we’re on the sunny shores of Alola, which is home to Stacey’s favourite Pokemon. She’s slowly clawed back the deficit over the past few weeks, but remains six behind overall. Can she turn the tide on Alola’s beaches?
The rules are simple - first, leave all sense of dignity at the door. Secondly, our editors are aiming for at least a 25 percent smash rate. Thus far,Joe failed in Sinnoh by a single smash, and the rest of the time the team has cleared the bar.In Kalos, Stacey scored an embarrassingly high 43 percentto Joe’s still very embarrassing 40.3. And that’s the rules. This is not a game of sophistication.
Related:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Unova Edition
722 Rowlet
Joe: I know we’ve had a pretty strict ‘no first-stage starters’ rule so far, and I’m going to stick to it here… but I’d totally get if someone did want to smash Rowlet.
Stacey: If you were going to break the rule, I’m unconvinced this is the one you’d break it for. In any case, pass.
723 Dartrix
Stacey: It feels like we haven’t had the awkward teenager for a while, but it’s back. Still passing.
Joe: The ‘90s boyband hair ruins it, pass.
724 Decidueye
Joe: Sometimes you have to just indulge in a little bit of edgelord emoness. Sometimes that emoness has a little bit of LARP mixed in for good measure. Smash.
Stacey: Yeah, I’ve avoided birds for the most part but there’s something about Decidueye. Smash.
725 Litten
Stacey: It’s a small kitten. Pass.
Joe: Oh the things we’ll get up to later on. Not right now though, you’re just a pet. Pass.
726 Torracat
Joe: I love Torracat’s energy. He’s got attitude, but he is still just a slightly larger cat, pass.
Stacey: Disagree, there’s a sleeker, darker edge to Torracat that pushes it over the edge. I’m going early with my smash on this one.
727 Incineroar
Stacey: I’m going to leave space for you here and simply say ‘smash’.
Joe: Incineroar has more than enough fans who’ll go all completely gooey over him, and while I do agree he is incredibly hot and could ruin me and I’d thank him for it, I’m not quite as on-board as I was for, say, Pangoro. Wrestling is dweeby as hell, and this isn’t even the actual-sport-wrestling like Machoke, it’s WWE Cat. It’s a very obvious smash none-the-less, I’m not a fool.
Joe: Love this little fella, but it’s a pass. Obviously.
729 Brionne
Stacey: Slightly larger baby. Pass.
Joe: Brionne is a huge downgrade over Popplio. It’s like a Popplio that’s been stung by a bee, pass.
730 Primarina
Joe: I may not be the target audience, but I know a Queen when I see one. Smash.
Stacey: I am part of the target audience and (not to over promise and under deliver) Alola feels like the most smashable region, and Primarina is a challenger for the top three. Definitely smash.
731 Pikipek
Stacey: Ew, little tiny bird. Pass.
Joe: It’s Pearl from Steven Universe, but as a bird. Pass.
732 Trumbeak
Joe: This line is great, but it’s still a pass for slightly-more-aerodynamic-bird.
Stacey: I think this line gets a pass for just being three birds with nothing going on because the birds are more exotic than pigeons. Anyway, pass.
733 Toucannon
Stacey: I guess if I had to, this is the best one. But still, pass.
Joe: This bird is absolutely furious, but he’s got a distinguished vibe that makes me want to smash.
735 Gumshoos
Stacey: Pass on DJT.
Joe: If Trump didn’t exist, I feel like Gumshoos might have had a chance. But, unfortunately, Trump does exist, and so absolutely not.
736 Grubbin
Joe: Alola has a lot of endearing little guys, but yet another pass makes it feel like my advantage is slipping away.
Stacey: There are parts to this I like, but not enough. So pass.
737 Charjabug
Stacey: Just a battery. I mean, what? Obviously pass.
Joe: Oh it is a battery, innit? I thought it was a bus until just now. Pass, but I learned something.
738 Vikavolt
Joe: The geometry of Vikavolt makes it very difficult to look at. Too many angles, no cohesion, no smashability. Pass.
Stacey: Not my proudest or the clearest, but there is something to Vikavolt’s design that gives it an allure. Smashing, for reasons I can’t quite comprehend.
Joe: I’ll smash Paul Phoenix Crab though.
740 Crabominable
Joe: I could do without the weird Adventure Time Ice King face, but this is a robust boy that I kinda do want to smash regardless.
Stacey: My Achilles heel when competing with you - Pokemon has a lot of big guys. Pass.
741 Oricorio
Stacey: This region is two birds with one smash, or something. I’m breaking with tradition to smash Oricorio too, ‘mons with alternate designs are always interesting.
Joe: It’s interesting, but none of these forms are smashable for me. Pass.
742 Cutiefly
Joe: Much like Rowlet, I get it but also wouldn’t smash. It’s just too small. Pass.
Stacey: As the name suggests, Cutiefly is a cutie, but too small and slightly babyish, so it’s a pass.
743 Ribombee
Stacey: The Taylor Swift Pokemon with the red scarf? Obviously a smash. I’m calling it - most smashable Bug-type.
Joe: It’s 20cm tall and also a tiny lady bee, it’s the complete antithesis of everything I’ve smashed so far. Pass.
744 Rockruff
Joe: I have no way of explaining this, but Rockruff gives me ‘Tory’. Pass.
Stacey: I just want to point out that when it comes to smashing, size doesn’t matter. But anyway, pass on Rockruff the Tory.
745 Lycanroc
Stacey: AWOOOOO! Definite, no questions asked, no holds barred smash gif Lycanroc.
Joe: Regular Lycanroc doesn’t do much for me, but Midnight Lycanroc canget it. Smash.
746 Wishiwashi
Joe: It’s a pass either way, but I do wonder if we can count the big school form as an actual smash candidate? It’s a billion small fish, so does it even count?
Stacey: The mechanics of it are interesting, it’s basically a billionsome, however that works. But I won’t be finding out. Pass.
747 Mareanie
Stacey: I love the Alola designs that just would not fit anywhere else. Easy smash for Mareanie.
Joe: I don’t think I’m getting out of Alola with a passing grade, but I just can’t bring myself to smash this nightmare. Pass.
748 Toxapex
Joe: It’s Mareanie again, but worse. Pass.
Stacey: I agree that it’s worse, and unfortunately it tips it over the line for me too. Pass.
Stacey: A cute lil doofus, but not a smash.
Joe: I don’t get why it has goat eyes. Pass.
750 Mudsdale
Joe: If Stacey can bring herself to smash a bird, I think I can bring myself to smash the big, tired daddy horse. Smash for Bojack Horseman here.
Stacey: There’s plenty of this stud of a stallion to go around. I stretch my back to prepare for a long streak of smashes, and give myself to Mudsdale.
751 Dewpider
Stacey: Dewpider I’ll pass on while I get my stretches in, but only because it’s a little too small.
Joe: I was very concerned when you said this was the start of a smash-streak, so you keep on stretching. Pass for little scuba-baby.
752 Araquanid
Joe: The general meanness works for Araquanid, but the bubbles are so dorky. Pass.
Stacey: It’s no Ribombee, but everything about Araquanid is hot. Highly underrated, a smash for sure.
753 Fomantis
Stacey: Oh I forgot about you. This isn’t really a streak, is it? You’re too tiny. Pass.
Joe: Everyone forgets about Formantis. Anyway, pass.
754 Lurantis
Joe: This thing would absolutely kill you and suck out the fluids from your neck stump once you’d finished the deed, pass.
Stacey: This thing would absolutely kill you and suck out the fluids from your neck stump once you’d finished the deed, smash.
755 Morelull
Stacey: Controversially, I’m going smash here. It’s charming. Not a top ten contender, but a winner in the pass/fail metric.
Joe: Weirdly, I get it. But it’d feel like smashing a Smurf or a Moomin, it’s too pure to taint with such salaciousness. Pass.
756 Shiinotic
Joe: It’s bringing love! Don’t let it get away! Pass for this alien-Burns-looking-horror.
Stacey: Okay, so this one I expected to break the streak that wasn’t a streak. As foretold, I over promised and under delivered. Anyway, pass.
757 Salandit
Stacey: Obviously it’s not the star of the show, but it still has it going on. A smash.
Joe: Not the most enthusiastic of smashes, but I need to regain some ground and I like his cheeky energy.
758 Salazzle
Joe: I don’t get why this line decided to turn a lizard into a dommy-mommy, but whatever. Smash, because again, I’m not a fool.
Stacey: I don’t know either but I know better than to ask questions. A straightforward smash.
759 Stufful
Stacey: It’s probably a fetish to have sex with little teddy bears, but that’s not one I have. Pass.
Joe: I always feel like Stufful is over-designed. The raccoon tail, the weird ears, the headband, the black legs, it’s just a lot and none of it really comes together. And also it’s a teddy bear. Pass.
760 Bewear
Joe: Now Bewear, on the other hand, is perfect. A big himbo who just wants to give you a hug, he could crack my spine any day. Big, squishy, easy smash.
Stacey: I obviously see the appeal with Bewear, but it’s not quite for me so I won’t steal your thunder. A pass here.
761 Bounsweet
Stacey: We all know this line’s time will come, but pass on the baby.
Joe: I almost feel like I should just get out the way and let Stacey do her thing, but that’d ruin the entire format so pass.
762 Steenee
Joe: It’s also a pass, too child-like for me.
Stacey: I don’t think it’s actually that child-like, but there’s something uncomfortable so maybe it is. A pass, in part to rest up for what comes next.
763 Tsareena
Stacey: Oh mommy. Here she is,my mangosteen queen. Tsareena isn’t just a smash, she is the most beautiful Pokemon in existence andalso my wife. From her soft green curls to her fluttering eyelashes, from her pink leather boots to her round and fruity derrière, Tsareena is the greatest Pokemon ever conceived and we are not worthy. Oh, and smash.
Joe: Yeah she’s pretty fit, smash.
764 Comfey
Joe: Never quite worked out the anatomy of Comfey, which weirdly makes it more appealing. I’m going to do a very scientific smash, despite being against my usual type.
Stacey: Obviously a downgrade after Tsareena, but Comfey is still a plant lady and so I am powerless. Smash.
765 Oranguru
Stacey: Pass, basically the opposite of what Joe’s about to say.
Joe: Okay I don’t feel like Oranguru is too far into my smash territory to be that obvious… but yeah, easy smash. He’s big, he can ruin me, and he’s an intellectual. Easy peasy smashy squeezy.
766 Passimian
Joe: Oh my god, easy smash. I used to think I preferred Oranguru, but Passimian has levels of cake few Pokemon can hope to contend with. This boy’s two metres tall and surprisingly built – rugby tackle me, babe.
Stacey: Passimian is the clear winner over Oranguru, and I think you’d need to pick one, just to say you had. So, smash.
767 Wimpod
Stacey: I mean, no.
Joe: I think I’m a Wimpod in a human body, but pass.
768 Golisopod
Joe: I was really surprised when you smashed Genesect, but I totally get Golisopod. Let’s get prehistoric, baby.
Stacey: I do see the resemblance to Genesect, which was not only a smash but a highly enthusiastic one. However, this is too much like a Digimon, and not the weird stripper kind. Pass.
769 Sandygast
Stacey: It’s sand. No.
Joe: It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Pass.
770 Palossand
Joe: Sandygast was more smashable and it was still a hard no. So, harder no.
Stacey: I actually think this is slightly more smashable, but still, no.
771 Pyukumuku
Stacey: I love this design but not for smash reasons. Pass.
Joe: His mouth looks like a cat’s butthole, pass.
772 Type: Null
Joe: For the edgelord factor alone, it has to be a smash.
Stacey: Yeah it feels like an anime character, or if FromSoft said ‘let’s make a cute one to be silly’. Gonna say smash too.
773 Silvally
Stacey: No curiousity or ‘ehhh maybe’ here. A clear and ferocious smash.
Joe: Oh, absolutely. It’s just Type: Null, but more majestically smashable.
774 Minior
Joe: There isn’t enough going on here for me to care about working out the mechanics of smashing. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah I forgot how many nothing ‘mons Alola has. Pass.
775 Komala
Stacey: Pass, for several reasons.
Joe: Yeah this is probably the most ethically dodgy Pokemon to smash of all of them. Pass.
776 Turtonator
Joe: It’s not exactly enthusiastic, but I’m on board with smashing Turtonator. He’s like someone felt guilty for making Magmortar and wanted to try again. Smash.
Stacey: Yeah, I feel similarly blasé about Turtonator, though it feels to me less like a Magmortar and more like an artist made too many Legendaries so one had to be downgraded. In any case, smashworthy.
777 Togedemaru
Stacey: Nah, sorry. I don’t mind the Pika clones but this one is just a cheeseball.
Joe: Aww, I like Togedemaru, he looks like a Squishable. Pass, but he’s up there as one of the better Pika Clones.
778 Mimikyu
Joe: Pass, Mimikyu feels manipulative.
Stacey: You have to live a little. Fear of the unknown and all that. Smash.
779 Bruxish
Stacey: Bruxish is gorgeous and I will not be swayed from that opinion. 100 percent in for Bruxish.
Joe: There’s a strangely high number ofBruxish Defenders at TheGamer,but I’m not one of them. This is just a mess, pass.
780 Drampa
Joe: Hell yes for Grandpa Dragon. He looks kind, he’s a big dragon, and I love him dearly. Smash.
Stacey: I knew this would have been a smash for you, but a definite pass for me.
781 Dhelmise
Stacey: I forgot this one existed. Pass on the seaweed covered anchor, but cool design.
Joe: A cool enough design that I want to smash. He has an actual personality unlike other inanimate-inspired Pokemon like klinkclangwhateverhe’scalled. Shiver me timbers.
782 Jangmo-o
Joe: Definitely not, and easily the worst Pseudo-legendary line.
Stacey: Disagree, but not smashing on the baby.
783 Hakamo-o
Stacey: Here we go. A smash for this cheeky chap.
Joe: Okay, maybe I was a little hasty. This has a confidence I like, even if the plates don’t quite land with me. Smash.
784 Kommo-o
Joe: Definitely hasty, wowza. Definite smash for the mature and grizzled Ankylosaur-raptor-thingie.
Stacey: That’s more what I expected. Kommo-o is a downgrade on Hakamo-o, but still a smash.
785 Tapu Koko
Stacey: I get all the Tapu’s confused, though that barely matters when we’re gonna smash all four, does it? This guy has the most attitude though, so an easy pick.
Joe: I don’t particularly like any of the Tapus, but Koko is going to have to be a smash for the hair alone.
786 Tapu Lele
Joe: I’ve already gone for Primarina and Tsareena this gen, I think I can leave Tapu Lele. Pass.
Stacey: If Koko has the most attitude, then Lele is the salve with the most tenderness. As I spoiled above, it’s a smash.
787 Tapu Bulu
Stacey: This one is my least favourite but, as is rare for me, the sheer bulk sells it. Smash.
Joe: Tapu Bulu is, unsurprisingly, my favourite. I won’t exactly simp for it, but being beefy really does help a lot. Smash.
788 Tapu Fini
Joe: Another strong “I get it, but not for me” pass.
Stacey: This one is the most ethereal, so again, smash.
789 Cosmog
Stacey: Space buns made of actual space. You just gotta. Smash.
Joe: Still have bad memories of Nebby never getting in that bag, pass.
790 Cosmoem
Joe: On the other hand, I would smash an actual, literal black hole. One of the smallest Pokemon, sure, but also the heaviest – a danger smash.
Stacey: Less interesting to me than Cosmog, but still going to smash.
791 Solgaleo
Stacey: The less appealing of the box Legendaries but Alola is finishing strong. Nice big smash here.
Joe: I’ve definitely not been as hot on Alola as you, but Solgaleo is an easy smash just because he’s a big robotic cat that looks like a mech. Duh.
792 Lunala
Joe: Lunala gives “wealthy divorcee who fleeced her ex-husband for everything he has”. In other words, she’s an utter icon and I need to smash just to learn some of her rich-man-swindling skills.
Stacey: I just want her to bite me tbh. Smash.
793 Nihilego
Stacey: Smash for the angel with knowledge beyond our perception of reality.
Joe: It’s a sea cucumber, but a weirdly dainty sea cucumber. Smash.
794 Buzzwole
Joe: Of course it’s a smash, I want him to hold me in his big, strong arms. Very easy, very simpable smash.
Stacey: Yeah, it would be foolish to pass on Buzzwole, a woley underrated Pokemon. Smash.
795 Pheromosa
Stacey: Alola just keeps delivering. This gorgeous, enticing, probably hideously mean supermodel of a bug is a smash all day. She owns me.
Joe: She looks like Anya Taylor-Joy, so I’m not at all surprised. I think she gives off just slightly too much mean energy for me, though, so this is a probably badly-planned-out pass.
796 Xurkitree
Joe: Xurkitree is a goofball in a region full of goofy goofballs. But, unlike the rest, Xurkitree is also man-sized, so it’s a smash.
Stacey: This is the worst and weirdest of the current stretch of smashes, but I’m into Alola being silly so often. Still a smash.
797 Celesteela
Stacey: But all things must end. The name promises so much, and what we get is an old, broken lighter that resembles a spaceship.
Joe: Honestly shocked about this one, I thought Celesteela would be right up your alley. I think the long, nodulous neck ruins it for me, so pass.
798 Kartana
Joe: An inexplicable smash, Kartana just looks cool as hell and I want a piece of that, papercuts be damned.
Stacey: Yeah I have nothing to add except hard agree.
799 Guzzlord
Stacey: There’s just a little too much going on. The gross vibes are kind of appealing, but the arms derail this one’s chances.
Joe: Vore me up, Guzzlord. Other than Buzzwole this is the easiest Ultra Beast smash, and I am not going to dwell too long on what that says about me.
800 Necrozma
Joe: God I hate Necrozma so, so much. It’s such a nothing design, someone discovered what a triangle was and went way overboard with it. I hate it, I’m not smashing, it can go to hell.
Stacey: Gotta disagree. I don’t exactly know what this is, but I am into it. Smash.
801 Magearna
Stacey: A definite smash for this wind up darling of a Pokemon.
Joe: There are so many ladies in Alola, which is great for Stacey but bad for me. Pass.
802 Marshadow
Joe: This is just silly, pass.
Stacey: I don’t think it’s silly, but it’s too childlike, so pass. Big fan though.
803 Poipole
Stacey: Hmm, again I think it’s too childish here. Cool, but no smash.
Joe: I don’t like the shape of the head, it reminds me of those fruit hats. Pass.
804 Naganadel
Joe: Remarkably easy smash for Neganadel, though. Big dragon, big needle as a tail, the opportunities are endless.
Stacey: Oh yeah, part of the reason I passed on Poipole was knowing that there was a big smash coming up next.
805 Stakataka
Stacey: This one is just foolish. A Persona enemy. Boo. Pass.
Joe: Pffft, fine, more for me. He looks like those enemies in Breath of the Wild, but cooler. Smash me, cinderblock.
806 Blacephalon
Joe: I’m not proud of this, but smash. Blacephalon looks like he’d give you a really fun time, even if it’s something you’d never admit to another soul.
Stacey: Gross. I should have saved my insults of foolishness until this one. I only want to smash this ugly clown in the head with a baseball bat. Other than that, pass.
807 Zeraora
Stacey: Gotta be a smash on this little scamp though. Cute but kinda toxic, I’m into it.
Joe: Finally, we’re out of the Ultra Dimension and back to good ol’ fashioned Furry Bait, as God intended. Zeraora reminds me of Zangoose, but hotter. Smash.
808 Meltan
Joe: Away from Alola, we’re back to Kanto for a brief stop off with… whatever the hell this thing is. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah this weird Go addition to Alola’s Dex is just odd. Pass.
809 Melmetal
Stacey: I do, however, see the charm here, even if it probably doesn’t need to exist. We end on a smash that is thoroughly average.
Joe: Actually, we’re ending on a very enthusiastic smash. This is a big boy who has the bulk of the likes of Pangoro and Machoke, but with the appealing gooeyness of Muk and Ditto. And Gigantamax’d Melmetal is somehow hotter with them legs for days. I wasn’t expecting this, but Melmetal makes me feel things. Smash, and aloha to Alola.
Final Score
Stacey: 40/88 = 45.5 percent (overall total 259/809 = 32 percent)
Joe: 38/88 = 43.1 percent (overall total 263/809 = 32.5 percent)
It’s another narrow win for Stacey but the overall lead remains with Joe, with that six smash lead down to just four.After Hoenn, Joe’s lead was 18, so the fight is most definitely on. Next week, we’ll be combining Galar and the few Hisuian Pokemon to set up the grand finale of Paldea. Be there, or if you have any sense, don’t.
Next:Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Kanto Edition
