The many heroes of Nintendoare a bit of a mixed bag. It’s pretty hard to compare someone like Captain Olimar to the likes of Link or Marth, although I’d love to see someone try. While some heroes go on sprawling adventures with deadly stakes, others wind up on relatively relaxed outings.
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If they all had to save the day when starting at the same time, most people would be shocked by what the results would likely be. After all, some characters are a bit more no-nonsense, while others are willing to spend their time hanging out with Tingle or feasting on hoards of bananas.
10Link
I’d love to say Link would be the first to save the day, but we all know there are far too many pots to break, bugs to catch, and meals to craft for that to be the case. The man wascooking up a stormwhileZeldawas holding back Calamity Ganon on her own.
Link would be out doing as many side quests as he can, making sure he had as many wholly unnecessary items as possible to see his quest through to the end. Only then would he finally begin his final push to actually save the day. The good news is, Link can sprint now, so he might not take that long once he’s ready to finish things.
9Samus
Everyone knows that Samus is all business with her approach to her missions, but the sheer layout of the planets she has to explore is what keeps her from placing higher. It’s not her fault at all, backtracking three times to previous locations is required thanks to her not having access to the right equipment at the right time.
A full-power Samus would probably be the quickest, but if we’re taking base Samus at the start of her games, she’ll be in for a multi-hour exploration fest before even getting ready to save the day. On the bright side, once she is ready to blow everything up, she moves like lightning.
8Star Fox
You might think thatStar Foxshould be near the top since he flies a ship, but you’d be forgettingthe bizarre dinosaur-filled experiencethat is Star Fox adventures. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Fox from that game, it’s that he loves exploring mazes, making dinosaurs do tricks, and tackling the same dungeon over and over.
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Fox would be much more preoccupied with powering up his lame staff and teaching Prince Tricky a few new tricks. If this sounds nothing like a Star Fox game to you, you need to go seek this odd Gamecube game out to truly understand what I mean.
7Captain Olimar
The thing about Captain Olimar is that he just doesn’t seem like he’s a particularly driven little guy. I’m sure his missions are very serious affairs, but he seems to tackle them with a kind of lackadaisical attitude that he’d really just get around to saving the day when he finally felt like it.
With an army of the tiny and deceptively violentPikminat his disposal, Olimar would be able toput the hurt on any foe! It’s also just as likely that most Nintendo villains would immediately crush him and his Pikmin, but ifSuper Smash Broshas taught me anything, it’s that Olimar can be a royal pain.
6Marth
Speaking of royal pains, Marth would likely be dedicated to saving the day as quickly as possible — it’s simply the journey itself that would make things complex. See, Marth would have to not only travel the globe, but also deal with constant large-scale battles and his many units.
That’s a lot for one person to juggle, so he’d probably end up stuck on a tricky battle for way too long, lose a unit right at the end, and have to reset. That absolutely does not apply to me playing anyFire Emblemgame, I promise. That is totally Marth’s problem.
5Ness
Ness may just be a kid, but that’s exactly why he’d save the day in a hurry. First, why would anyone want to get in the way of a psychic child with pitch-black eyes? That’s a recipe for winding up with an eternal curse on your family.
Second, Ness would totally just take the bus to wherever he needed to go and take care of business with a baseball bat and some pizza. That would all be done before dinner time, so Ness’ absentee, yet strangely rich, father wouldn’t even need to toss money his way.
4Captain Falcon
Who would dare get in the way of the power of the Falcon Punch? Captain Falcon wouldn’t even need his racer, although that would make things even quicker. The man could simply sprint past everything with how fast he can move on his own.
Imagine seeing a full-sprint Captain Falcon screaming some of his catchphrases as he rushes down the street. Are you going to attempt to stop him? I didn’t think so. No one would even have time to show their moves because one Falcon Kick would spell the end for anyone.
3Donkey Kong
This entry does have a bit of a caveat because it does assume that someone has stolenDonkey Kong’sprized bananas. I would pity the poor soul that took that absolute unit’s bananas. The wrath of a screaming ape is not the kind of thing anyone wants to experience.
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I’ve seen what Donkey Kong can do to his enemies, and I know that he is always ready to hand out a banana slamma. That was a reference to a quite old and quite hilarious Donkey Kong Cartoon, but the point stands, Donkey Kong would be getting the job done.
2Kirby
I shouldn’t need to tell anyone that they shouldn’t mess withKirby. Behind those adorable eyes and puffy pink exterior, there is an endless pit of death. With how easy the Kirby games are, I’m left with no other thing to think but that Kirby is utterly unstoppable.
The pink puffball would devour any enemy in the way and save the day on the same day. Plus, Kirby might actually be part Jedi considering in Kirby 64 he actively slays his foes withan actual lightsaber.
1Mario
He’s Nintendo’s mascot for a reason. AsMarioraced his way to save the day, there wouldn’t be a single thing in his path that was safe.Koopas, Goombas, and bricks that were once toads, all turn to nothing when faced with Mario’s might, but that’s not even the worst of it.
TheYoshiswould pay the ultimate price. As Mario claimed Yoshi after Yoshi, using them to jump even higher toward his goals. The path of destruction Mario would leave in his wake as he quickly saved the day might just be the thing that finally turns the entire Mushroom Kingdom against him.
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